disgust.

its been awhile since i posted. mainly because i have been trying to figure things out. actually, i have been doing everything in my power to not think, not want, not dream, not feel, not care.
unfortunatly its not working.
i care too much.
i feel too much.
i want too much.
i dream too much.
i think too much.

these seconds, these minutes, these hours, these days.
they remind me of why i cried, why i used, why i cut.

this feeling is the reason i would medicate myself to the point i could not feel. and then cut myself to remind me that i was still alive.

it is taking every ounce of my strenghth to not return to what i know, what it easy, what i know works.

i suppose i am more disgusted with myself than anything else.